English 9
Mr. Salsich
November 4, 2010
Peace:
The Contrast Between Creation and Destruction
Peace and war are not the same thing. Though unable to coexist without the other, they tend to destroy each other with an endless process or destruction and creation. The creation part though, is, usually, the most difficult part, forcing many to resort to the opposite. Not a good thing. Ideally, everyone would be building and forming, but in the real world, there are many more people who tear things down than build things up, for the sole reason that decimating things is easier than forming them. This unbalance leads to downfall, which in its path, the long and winding road, devoid of life and movement, drags creation behind it like an army of tiny ants hauling a relatively giant leaf across the forest floor (cumulative simile). In the real world, many people think of themselves as having peaceful personalities. It is debatable whether or not they actually do, for they are not forced into situations with people they hate. Countries, who insist on either really liking each other or being repulsed by each other are forced to live together, can’t really vacate the earth, much like the general population evacuates a room whenever they see someone they don’t like. Thus, it could be said that war’s roots stem from the incapacity for countries to retreat. Creation would be abundant if the political organizations of the world could swallow their pride and back away--leave all they have worked for(verb appositive)-- when another country pressured them. Unfortunately, this is the real world, and political borders don’t shift around. And so, this real world hosts all the war and the occasional creation that the human race has to offer, and while the population dreams of peace, harmony, and silence, groups, organizations, towns, cities, states, and countries fight on, and only dream of the luxury of not having to worry when the next "bomb" will drop.
The love that Mr. Carton and Charles Darnay share for Lucie is causing unrest in the plot of Tale of Two Cities. The peace of the Manette family has been unsettled temporarily, as all peace is every now and then. If not for Mr. Carton, Darnay and Lucie would live happily ever after, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t allow for “easy love”. Fighting for the ones you love takes up so much of your time, but if you have won the fight, you know it was worth it. If the rage of war was too much for you and you pulled out of the race, you will wish you had never started, and wallow in the joy of your former competitor. Darnay and Carton are twisted in this scheme and will fight-- level everything in their path(verb appositive)-- for the love of the same person, and after the climax of the war, one will be victorious, will be peaceful. The other, not so much. The loser of the battle starts a civil war in his mind, a war that consumes him, destroys him, and ravages him, like a clumsy animal parading around a minefield; one sensitive nerve touched, and the landscape starts to dissolve around him, taking him with it(cumulative simile).
The poem we have been reading, A Rainy Morning by Ted Kooser, offers the same type of peace as well, only this time with two different examples. The woman in the wheel chair is struggling with herself. Now, it is a battle between her mental strength and the wheelchair. Whichever gives out first will be conquered by the one that doesn't. If the woman's emotional power prevails, she will guide the wheelchair and tell it what it will do and will live a peaceful life. If the wheelchair turns out victorious, she limits her life, letting the strain of the chair pull her life down in an unstoppable spiral, so much so that she constantly regrets her past actions, whatever they may be.
The peace in oneself is a reflection of their minds, not their bodies.
Self Assessment--------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking at this essay, I realize that I need to say what I mean. Just speaking I have trouble with this, but in writing, it seems, contrast to what it should be, harder than it needs to be. In this particular essay, I loved the "clumsy animal in a minefield" sentence. I think, with this simile, I nailed the jackpot of my writing creativity. The last paragraph however, really was a little bland and could use a little more work and more "zing" and "pep".
Personal Grade: A-
The love that Mr. Carton and Charles Darnay share for Lucie is causing unrest in the plot of Tale of Two Cities. The peace of the Manette family has been unsettled temporarily, as all peace is every now and then. If not for Mr. Carton, Darnay and Lucie would live happily ever after, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t allow for “easy love”. Fighting for the ones you love takes up so much of your time, but if you have won the fight, you know it was worth it. If the rage of war was too much for you and you pulled out of the race, you will wish you had never started, and wallow in the joy of your former competitor. Darnay and Carton are twisted in this scheme and will fight-- level everything in their path(verb appositive)-- for the love of the same person, and after the climax of the war, one will be victorious, will be peaceful. The other, not so much. The loser of the battle starts a civil war in his mind, a war that consumes him, destroys him, and ravages him, like a clumsy animal parading around a minefield; one sensitive nerve touched, and the landscape starts to dissolve around him, taking him with it(cumulative simile).
The poem we have been reading, A Rainy Morning by Ted Kooser, offers the same type of peace as well, only this time with two different examples. The woman in the wheel chair is struggling with herself. Now, it is a battle between her mental strength and the wheelchair. Whichever gives out first will be conquered by the one that doesn't. If the woman's emotional power prevails, she will guide the wheelchair and tell it what it will do and will live a peaceful life. If the wheelchair turns out victorious, she limits her life, letting the strain of the chair pull her life down in an unstoppable spiral, so much so that she constantly regrets her past actions, whatever they may be.
The peace in oneself is a reflection of their minds, not their bodies.
Self Assessment--------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking at this essay, I realize that I need to say what I mean. Just speaking I have trouble with this, but in writing, it seems, contrast to what it should be, harder than it needs to be. In this particular essay, I loved the "clumsy animal in a minefield" sentence. I think, with this simile, I nailed the jackpot of my writing creativity. The last paragraph however, really was a little bland and could use a little more work and more "zing" and "pep".
Personal Grade: A-
2 comments:
Cooper,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your first appositive phrase. It described "path" well and gracefully, poetically, and descriptively portrayed "path", a word normally simple. To improve this essay, I would recommend changing the phrase in the second sentence "though cannot coexist" to "though unable to coexist" because in context, it sounds like a typo. Also, at the end of one of your sentences in your last entry "tell it what it will do, and will live a peaceful life", you do not need a comma after "do" because it is not a compound sentence.
With some touching up this could be a fantastic essay!
Cooper
Your last word in your first line, I think you ment that to be they cannot coexist not though
Your first sentence after the red section seems really acward. See if you can fix that to make it better because you try to use the adjective as a noun, this can be good but I think it does the opposite in this context.
I really like your last sentence. I feel that it really raps up the essay with style.
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