Cooper Feltes
English 9
Mr. Salsich
September 14, 2010
Summer's End:
My Thoughts on the Start of School
(TS) There are many different ways to feel about beginning the new school year. (CM) Having a positive attitude is probably the best way to cope with the coming months of homework, tests, and studying.(CM) Keeping a negative mindset, however, is easier and can hold a student in a rut of anguish and dismay.(CS) However you deal with the event, going back to school is unavoidable, and leaves many students wondering whether to love it, or to hate it. (TS)There are many ways to make going back to school and ending summer seem like a horrible occasion.(SD) Listening to “Swallowed in the sea” by Coldplay keeps me from enjoying going back to school.(CM) The song mentions placing people “on a shelf”, putting people “on a line, and [hanging people] out to dry.” (CM)These kinds of things are exactly what I feel when the summer comes to an end and the school year approaches. (SD)Watching the movie Heavyweights reminds me of going back to school.(CM) At a summer camp, the fun and playful owners retire to let a new and crazy owner take away the fun, making the kids throw away their candy, forcing them to exercise way too much(long sentence). (CM)This is the kind of transition that most children go through when their summer comes to an end.(CS) Looking on the bright side is one of the only ways to cope with the coming school year.
(TS) Whether you loathe or rejoice the start of school, the thought of tests, studying, and schedules are unavoidable.(CM) If you have the ability to keep a positive mindset, you can block those images with thoughts of seeing your friends and having fun with them.(CM) If this is too hard a task, you are left in a pool of negative emotions that consume your mind.(CS) Both good and evil thoughts enshroud the brain of a scholar returning to school from a relaxing summer, yet how that scholar perceives them is a decision that must be made.
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Self-Assessment
One weak point I see in this writing is definitely the clarity of the sentences, especially the sentences at the end of the opening and closing paragraph. I definitely took advantage of antithesis in many of my sentences to enhance the writing. I have a lot of trouble clearly writing our my ideas and thoughts without making them jumbles up and confusing.
Self-Grade= A-
2 comments:
Cooper,
I enjoyed reading your long sentence because it fit well into your paragraph and added some "funk" to the essay. However, in that long sentence, after "retire", you don't need a comma grammatically, and I don't hear a natural pause there either. Also, in the clause after your parallelism, you use the word "thing", and I think you should use a less vague word in your writing.
Well done so far!
Cooper,
I don't think that you should mention the movie until the second paragraph. It just seems like you are getting ahead of yourself.
Never mind, I see what you did!
I think that in your first sentence you should say, "make going back to school seem like a horrible occasion." Because like you said in the second paragraph, it is not always bad.
Don't forget your lables Cooper
I really liked how you split the essay into liking and not likeing coming back to school. It makes your essay different.
Ben
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